Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins
1 Peter 4:8
Hopefully, you passed the entrance examination into the institution of marriage. Still want to get married? Then let us take the first course; preventing a problematic marriage.
In the United States, the statistics are quite startling according to Miles Mason, Family Law Group, PLC.
These are the national divorce rates by number of years of marriage:
- 20% of marriages end in the first 5 years.
- 32% end in the first 10 years.
- 48% of spouses who married before the age of 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years.
- 25% of spouses over 25 years of age get divorced within 10 years.
Analyzing the 2024 divorce trends, they report that ‘two periods in a marriage may have a greater frequency of divorce. The first two years of a marriage is believed to be the high-risk period for divorce. While years 3 through 4 have an average risk of divorce, years 5 through 8 mark the next high-risk period. Most first marriages that end in divorce do so in just under 8 years.’ Likewise, ‘the number one reason given for why the marriage failed is “lack of commitment. “This is followed by “infidelity” and then “excessive conflict.” After “married too young” came financial issues and the “lack of family support” (understandable as the number one reason given for getting married is “financial security”). Near the top of the list of reasons leading to the breakdown of a marriage are “lack of compatibility” and “lack of intimacy.”
So, after saying ‘I do’ couples are heading off and getting a divorce or a separation.
7 Stages of a breaking Marriage
- Honeymoon Stage: Which is the chameleon period.
- Awareness Stage: Realities and true nature show up.
- Sick Altar Stage: Exit of family prayer and bible study.
- Negative Stage: When nagging sessions take place.
-You always eat slowly.
-Your table manners are bad and raw.
-You always neglect me for work.
– You never say you love me.
-You always come home late from work.
– You have never….
– You are always….
- Deaf and Dumb stage: Where either or both parties become deaf and dumb to each other.
-Violent reaction of anger and frustration.
-Reacting quickly to hurt and withdrawal.
– Silent warfare (family cold war).
-Lack of interest in each other.
- Avoidance stage: Staying late at work and keeping separate rooms.
- Divorce stage: Where there is a final dissolution of the marriage.
Marriage is not a perfect or ideal situation. Even the Christian marriage encounters trials and tribulation. But Christ our anchor said in John 16:33 ‘I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” This is why intending couples must learn to drop illusions and face reality. Let us move to the practical session where we need to adhere to the advice of Colossians 3:12 which says ‘therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.’
What is the solution to a problematic marriage?
- Both must truly repent.
- There must be revival of holiness, praying and study of the word at the family altar.
- Gain deep spiritual knowledge and practice the art of warfare to keep darkness at bay.
- Undiluted love must reign.
- Let the Holy Spirit guide you in all things.
- There must be mutual respect.
- Pray unity back into the home.
- Ban the intervention of third parties.
- Seek to make your partner happy.
- Be willing to be the loser in an argument.
- Learn to wash one another’s feet – John 13:14.
- Perform a thorough self-examination.
- Recognize that every marriage has periods of friction, argument, and conflict.
- Do not allow your spirit to be affected. Keep the sanity of your mind.
- Focus attention on battling the problem and not each other.
- Forget the past.
- Always focus on solutions and not only on the problems.
- Intercede for your partner. Get a good prayer partner to pray with you.
- Get active in God’s work.
- Decide to rebuild the relationship and not end it.
- Decide to forgive each other for past failures and mistakes.
- Decide to be a giver and not a getter in marriage.
Some Scriptures for Marriage
- Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God (1 John 4:7).
- Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:2-3).
- So, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate (Matthew 19:6).
Prayers
1. My marriage will not fail, my home will not break, in the name of Jesus.
2. Holy Spirit, break me and remold me in Jesus name.
3. Lord Jesus, prepare me for the holy institution of marriage in Jesus name.
Partly adapted from the sermon “The Home Under Fire” and the book ‘Prayer Rain’ by Daniel Olukoya, General Overseer of MFM Worldwide.
