It all started over coffee when Sarah met Ben. He was the ideal guy next door, an emotional dumping ground with a listening ear she could pour her heart out to. He was there when she needed someone to understand how she was feeling and what she was going through. But like most things, it got out of hand, and she found herself emotionally dependent on Ben as he constantly filled up her emotional space. Before she knew what was happening, she had been drawn into “something” she couldn’t break out of. Does this sound like you or have you been there? In the complicated world of emotional affairs, we look at how to spot the early warning signs, when to draw the line and your escape route.
#1 A little too friendly
I admire friendly people and it’s really a great personality trait. But when someone of the opposite sex is getting too friendly …. constant texts, frequent phone calls, and uninvited drop-ins; it’s time to act and make clear personal boundaries.
#2 Address your issues
While it’s therapeutic to speak to people especially when you are down in the dumps, it’s necessary for you to deal with your underlying issues spiritually and professionally. This prevents you from appearing needy, weak, carelessly opening the door of your life and being the damsel in distress that needs sorting out. Emotional attachment to and dependency on others not only prevents your own maturity and healing, but it also makes you an easy target while leaving you in a state of weakness. In all things, we must be careful not to show the devil a welcome sign. Ephesians 4: 27-28 reminds us of this. “Neither give place to the devil. Let him that stole steal no more.”
#3 Examine your conscience
Be sincere with yourself and others.
If the object or your emotional attachment is married, how do you think his wife will feel?
If you are married, what impact is this association having on your husband/wife?
If either or both of you have children, what complicated web are you spinning?
If you are both single, is this what a Godly Christian courtship involves?
And most of all, how is this making the Holy Spirit feel?
Remember the words of Ephesians 4: 30, “And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.”
#4 The flesh profits nothing
While it’s flattering to have the opposite sex pay attention to you, always be on your guard against the clever and subtle seduction of Satan. Before Eve ate the apple, her mind was seduced, and she was led into temptation. She could not have been so deceived if she had not let down her guard.
In life we go through moments of weakness and times of temptation. But the triumphant Christian life involves being able to overcome the desires of the flesh. James 1:14-16 explains further. “Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters.”
#5 Only the foolish perish
I recently listened to the General Overseer of Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries (Dr D.K Olukoya) talk about sexual sins. He said we need what Joseph did when he ran away from Potiphar’s wife (Genesis 39), “the anointing of fleeing.” Emotional affairs begin in the mind as lust. If not dealt with, they grow into sexual affairs. In recent times, sexual sins have brought down many ministries, religious heads, politicians, entrepreneurs, and organizational heads. God frowns at sexual sins outside marriage (fornication), sexual sins in marriage (adultery) as well as our flirtations, sexual talks, and indiscreet behaviors.
#6 Help yourself
When we reveal our weaknesses to God, we put him in a position to help us. Whatever you may be struggling with (loneliness, depression, feeling unloved and uncared for), instead of falling into sin, burning with lust, or being crippled by guilt, cultivate the habit of exposing yourself to the Holy Spirit. 1 John 1:19 gives us the confidence to approach the Father. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Being prayerful will also keep you alert, while study of the word of God will help you to develop Godly fear. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 sums it up as “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”
What starts as something very harmless (he’s just a friend, she’s really nice) if left unchecked, can grow into regret. Learn from Samson (Judges 16). Delilah ignited a fire, Samson played with it, and he got burnt. At the end, what you lose is more than anything you could ever gain.
The latest update I received was that Sarah has quit drinking coffee.
Prayers
- I refuse to wear the garment of shame and disgrace in Jesus name.
- Power of dignity, fall upon me in Jesus name.
- Holy Ghost fire, set me free from sexual sins in Jesus name.
- Blood of Jesus, cleanse the filthy parts of my life in Jesus name.
- Every darkness in me, give way to the light of God in Jesus name.
