A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. Proverbs 15:18
The other day, I watched as Tracy gave Amanda a piece of her mind at the graduate school cafeteria. It was classic female bitchiness, even though Tracy felt she was being assertive.
Most often, fights start with a misunderstanding which results in an offence and spills into something ugly. Jesus Christ had his fair share of unpleasant experiences, with Pharisees and Sadducees being his greatest persecutors and accusers. Faced with their constant harsh criticism, traps, provocation, and unfair judgement, he just could not do anything right. When the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11) was dragged before Jesus Christ by them, we find Jesus averting a potential crisis.
Management Methods:
- Always pray for the fruit of the spirit of self-control so that you can manage situations.
- Continually ask for the spirit of discernment so you can identify trouble and troublemakers.
- Pray to be empowered with a mouth and a wisdom (Luke 21:15) which your adversaries cannot resist or contradict.
- Ask for the fruit of the spirit of gentleness with which you will walk away without a fight.
When personality clashes occur, remember to deal with the situation, and not the person. Only hate the action, and not the person. Even though it is a very thin line, with the help of the Holy Spirit you can stand on solid ground. Follow the instruction of Romans 12:18 which says, “As much as it is possible, live in peace with everyone.” It is the negative emotions of anger, bitterness, rage, and hatred that blow the situation out of proportion and let the incident last longer than it should.
Management Methods:
- Pray about how the incident made you feel.
- Ask the Holy Spirit to take away negative emotions.
If you give place to the devil, he triumphs at your expense, so learn from Matthew 26:52, where Jesus taught us how to walk away from a fight. “Then the men began to arrest Jesus, but Peter used a sword to cut off a man’s ear. Jesus scolded Peter for doing that: “Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.”
Management Methods:
- Never be guilty of the error of Peter, and physically fight back in a fight.
Being friends after a fight requires time, evaluation, and prayer. Should they remain part of your friend network?
Management Methods:
- If you get a clear leading from the Holy Spirit to remain friends, give friendship a go, but remember to take each day at a time.
- Reconciliation is not magic, rebuilding trust takes time, and the good thing is that your friendship could become stronger after a fight.
- If you do not get a clear leading however, pray to be led into new and effective friendships.
It’s not the end of the world, and hopefully the fight has taught you something about yourself and others. In life there are no mistakes, just learning curves. So, hold your head high, take a deep breath, exhale, breathe and live again!
